Make It Work, baby!

The website Best for Babies has put out a call for stories from moms about the booby traps they faced when attempting to breastfeed. I think I've experienced every booby trap in the book - with my first baby. Now that the second is due in a few months I'm armed and ready for battle again. I hope it won't come to that. My story of booby traps started with birth preparation - I went to a collaborative OB/Midwife practice that prided it self on a low(er) c-section and epidural rate. I was never, not once, asked about my plans to breastfeed. The only class I took was a hospital-based birth prep class. I don't even think breastfeeding came up, and if it did all I really remember is my shock at hearing 94% of the women giving birth in that hospital had epidurals.

I am so done. I've never felt this physically and emotionally sapped in my life. Actually, I probably have, but I'm a champ at repressing and forgetting bad memories and this will certainly be one of them. The culprit? Work. What else. I just can't do this anymore. I give and give and give and get nothing in return. I guess a paycheck counts. But that's not enough. It's never been enough. So unfortunate that I need that paycheck. Because I might be tempted to just walk out the door, go home, and not come back.

A good friend of mine currently lives in a busy metropolitan city, but dreams of having a big house in the suburbs. One of these days, she and I will sit down to discuss her desire to live there. But it's made me think of my own strong aversion to suburbia. First off, I've never lived in a suburb, at least that I remember. I grew up in a very rural setting, with trees and cow pastures, country roads and dirt or gravel driveways. My house was on a street - no neighborhood, no subdivision, no HOA, just a street. It was off the beaten path and away from traffic, but also from people. Sure, we had neighbors, but I had no friends whose houses I could walk to, even if I'd been allowed to walk on the street (I wasn't).

After my last post about work-life balance, I took a long break from blogging (and from reading blogs - my Google reader was up to ~800 posts. yikes!). Recently I bought a book about getting work and life to be in better harmony (review on that to come another day). So, did the time and perspective help any? Unfortunately, nope. I actually ended up doing that oh-so-embarrassing thing called practically killing myself (OK, maybe that's melodramatic, but I WAS told to go to the ER). Instead of life getting simpler, it got busier. And then I got pregnant . And anyone who's been there know how entirely awful first trimester can be. I won't list all of my woes, but suffice to say my body gave up on me.

I've always been a busy person. It's part of my personality - as an ESTJ I am a "joiner" and thrive on interacting with and belonging to different groups (more about personality types on another day!). So, of course, that translates into being just a bit busy. When I was in high school, I was in numerous clubs. National Honor Society, National Art Honor Society, Spanish Club, Key Club, Forensics, and the high school swim team plus a year-round swim team. And it wasn't enough to just show up for the attendance check - I was an officer in several and on volunteer committees for others. In my last two years I also held down several jobs and had a serious boyfriend (my nowadays-husband). I rarely partied and was a classic example of How To Keep Your Kids Out Of Trouble. If they're so busy they can barely sleep or get homework done, they're probably not out boozing and having sex. At least, I wasn't. In college it was much of the same. Any one of my ex...

They keep me organized . Who doesn't love organization? Except when you have lists of lists. Watch out for that. Crossing items off gives me a sense of accomplishment . Which is why it's terrible that my to-do list for work today has nothing crossed off, and I've been here for 6.5 hours already. They're useful in all situations - for work projects, grocery shopping, Christmas, errands, weekend activities, books to read, and blogging. Everyone else knows I've got my shit together . Boss - "What are you working on today?" Me - "I've got a list!" Husband - "What's for dinner?" Me - "I've got a list!" Friend - "Are we going out this weekend?" Me - "I've got a list!" Once a list has been created, I can turn my brain off. This is especially useful on Friday afternoons at work. I don't need to think about what I need to do, I just need to look at the list. You can dress them up . My curr...

"Fluff" can take on a lot of meanings. Aside from the dictionary definition, it can mean your cloth diaper stash, your baby carrier/sling stash, or having a little extra padding around the middle. Today, it means "something of little substance or consequence." I can't remember if I've mentioned this, but I adore reading. I feel very lucky to have been brought up in a family where we were more likely to sit around in the evenings with books, rather than around a television. As sedentary activities go, it's probably one of the more mentally stimulating. And the great thing about a good book is that it can take you away from life. Not that my life is a terrible thing that I need to escape from, but let's admit it - everyday life is mundane. Waking, sleeping, eating, commuting, working - all rote. Sure, there's joy to be found in small things, accomplishment in work well done. But it's a constant ho-hum. Motherhood is certainly one of life...